


The Talk

by helloitshaley



Category: Addams Family - All Media Types, The Addams Family (Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:27:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26238604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helloitshaley/pseuds/helloitshaley
Summary: So we all know how in 'Values' Fester states that he watches Gomez and Morticia have sex through key holes and such. Well, Morticia isn't exactly too happy about that fact and urges Gomez to have a talk with his brother about it, or else.
Relationships: Gomez Addams/Morticia Addams
Comments: 14
Kudos: 52





	The Talk

“Oh, Gomez,” Morticia moaned, throwing her head back against the black, silk pillows.

“Cara mia,” Gomez responded, his voice nearly a scream.

“Don’t stop,” she pleaded, her crimson nails raking down his back, leaving slim scratch marks trailing across his olive skin. “Gomez, I’m-”

Morticia was cut off by the distinct sound of a thud on the other side of their firmly locked door. That was followed by the sound of feet scurrying off down the hall. While her husband didn’t let the little intrusion ruin his good time, Morticia had completely lost her buzz, so to speak. 

“Tish, what's wrong?” Gomez grunted, knowing he wasn’t going to last much longer.

“Your brother, Gomez,” she said through gritted teeth.

“Why are you thinking about Fester while we’re having sex?” he asked, fingers fisted in the sheets beside her head. 

“Because he was watching us through the keyhole again!” Morticia exclaimed, right as Gomez let out a depraved grunt and crashed down on top of her. Morticia sighed. It was a rare occurrence when she was left dissatisfied in bed, but when it did happen she was left in a funk. 

“Ugh, I’m sorry Tish,” he gasped. “Let me catch my breath and I’ll take care of you.”

“No, I don’t think I can get back in that headspace right now,” she said as she sat up. “Gomez, you need to have a talk with him.”

He groaned loudly, his face still pressed into the mattress. “Oh, but that's going to be so awkward. How would I even bring that up?”

“Say this; hey, Fester, what could possibly possess you to watch Morticia and I have sex and could you please stop?” Morticia said simply.

Gomez turned his head slightly to look up at her. “That sounds horrible, but for you, I’ll try my best.”

“Thank you, darling,” she sighed, reaching out to stroke his hair. “That's all I ask.”

…

Gomez wasn’t someone who often felt awkward. He was a rather confident man in most aspects of his life. The prospect about having a chat with his brother about his voyeuristic tendencies however was not sitting well. Morticia was right, of course, it had to be done, he was just dreading actually sitting down and doing it. Nevermind the fact that he hated that Fester had seen Morticia naked and in very compromising positions because of his little habit. If Gomez thought about that too much he was likely to flip his lid.

Unfortunately he found Fester down in the sitting room by himself, presenting the perfect opportunity to get this conversation out of the way. “Fester!” he exclaimed, his tone sounding extremely fake. “Brother! How are you?”

Fester looked back and forth, clearly confused by the wide smile plastered on Gomez’s face. “Uh... good.”

“Good! Grand!” Gomez cried as he took the seat across from him. “Wonderful! Listen, we need to have a talk.”

Fester frowned, looking guilty. “Is this about that magazine?”

“No.”

“My search history?”

“No.”

“What I buried in the backyard?”

“No, Fester, listen,” Gomez said, cutting him off before he could admit to something Gomez really didn’t want to hear. “It's about…”

He trailed off, finding that his voice box completely betrayed him. This was much worse than he thought. Perhaps the timing was wrong. He could try again in a few hours. Yes, that was a good plan, he would try later.

“What would you like for dinner?” Gomez asked, feelingly only slightly like a failure. 

“Oh!” Fester sighed, looking relieved. “I’m fine with whatever Mama whips up.”

“Good I’ll go tell her then,” Gomez said eagerly as he jumped out of his chair, all too ready to get the hell out of there. He bolted out of the sitting room in record speed as he tried in vain to think of a better plan.

…

Though Gomez told himself he would find another time to talk to Fester that day it just did not happen. It was far too awkward! He had to build up to it! It would happen at some point, it needed to, it just wouldn’t be today.

However, as night fell and he and Morticia found themselves caught in their usual sensual tango, Gomez had all but forgotten about Fester’s little issue. That is until over the sound of Morticia’s screams Gomez heard their door knob jiggle, which was then followed by the sound of feet rushing back down the hall.

Morticia froze, clearly having heard the same sound. “Gomez, darling, I am going to ask you a question and I want you to answer very carefully because with one wrong move I could cause significant damage to a certain part of your body.”

Gomez swallowed the lump in his throat. “Yes, dearest?” 

“Did you talk to your brother?” 

Gomez frowned as he turned his attention to Morticia’s leg on his shoulder. “Um, that would be a no,” he mumbled as he began picking invisible lint off her leg.

“Gomez,” she groaned, and not in the way he liked. “Why not?”

“Tish, you can’t even comprehend the awkwardness!”

“I can speak with him if you would prefer,” she said casually, arching her back off the mattress.

“No,” he half pleaded half moaned. “No, it should be me who does it.”

Morticia smirked as she reached up to pat his face. “Thank you, Gomez. Because really… the fact that your brother watches us have sex, it disturbs me greatly.”

“Can, uh, can we stop talking about Fester now?” Gomez asked, looking down at their complicated position, a bead of sweat rolling down his temple. “I’d rather finish without thoughts of my brother in my head.”

“Good luck,” Morticia said flatly as she let her head thump against the mattress. “He’s already ruined it for me.”

…

He was going to do it. Gomez was going to sit down and hash this out with Fester until the problem was solved. Not only was it in fact an actual major problem, the fact that Morticia hadn’t enjoyed their last two romps in the sack was just as upsetting to him. What was the point of sex if only one of them was enjoying it? For his Morticia, he would speak with his brother, even if he died of embarrassment.

“Fester, old man!” he said cheerfully as he passed him in the hall. “Can we chat for a moment?”

“Uh… is this about that smell? Because I have an explanation.”

“What? No, no smell. Fester, listen, it's about a certain hobby of yours,” Gomez said slowly, placing his hand on Fester’s shoulder. “It's a little… disruptive.” 

“But I thought you liked the explosions!” Fester exclaimed, wringing his hands together. “Pugsley usually starts them!”

“It's about-” Gomez began but was cut off by Wednesday rounding the corner toward them. 

“Father, Pugsley got a train stuck in his ear,” Wednesday said with a shrug. “He needs your help.”

“Can’t your mother get it?” Gomez asked in desperation, fearing he would lose his nerve if he didn’t talk to Fester now.

“She already tried. It's really in there.”

Gomez nodded with a sigh. “Very well, show me the way.”

…

“How did your talk with Fester go?” Morticia asked that night as they made their way to their room after tucking in the children. “Everything seemed normal at dinner.”

“You see… the thing is, my dearest,” Gomez said as he opened the door. “It sort of never happened.”

Morticia’s shoulders slumped. “Why, Gomez?”

“I started to! But then Wednesday came to me with Pugsley’s train problem and I just never found the time to speak with him again.” He walked over and put his hands on Morticia’s shoulders. “I’m so sorry I let you down.”

“You didn’t let me down. I understand how terribly awkward this must be for you. However…”

“Oh no.”

Morticia’s face pulled into a frown as she looked up at Gomez with what could only be described as a guilty expression. “I’m going to say something you’re not going to want to hear. I don’t think I can have sex until this problem is resolved.”

Gomez looked blankly at her for a moment, certain that he misheard her. But no. She was completely serious. This prospect was unheard of. It was downright blasphemous! No sex? None? What was he supposed to do? How would he live?

“Oh no, I think I made your brain snap,” Morticia said, taking his face in her hands. “Gomez, darling, are you alright?”

“No sex?” he asked. “What are we defining as sex here?”

“Everything.”

“Everything?!?”

“Gomez, this is as hard for me as it is for you, I promise,” Morticia said sympathetically.

“Not even oral?”

“No.”

“Hand stuff?”

“No.”

“Sexting?” 

“Gomez-”

“How about I stand here and you’re on the bed and we just watch each other while we-”

“Gomez! Please, when I say everything I mean everything.” 

“Tish, not to worry!” Gomez said, inadvertently shouting. He steered her back toward the bed and urged her to sit. “You stay right here while I go talk to my brother and when I come back I am going to more than make up for the lack of climaxing! I swear to you, you are going to walk funny for a week straight!”

He ran out of the bedroom before Morticia could even process what just happened. Without much preamble Gomez ran directly to Fester’s room. He kicked the door open, finding Fester pressing his ear to the floor, likely trying to eavesdrop on the bedroom below him.

“Hey! My brother the peeping Tom!” Gomez yelled. “You have got to stop watching Morticia and me having sex! I don’t care why you do it in the first place, I just need it to stop! Like, stop forever! Never do it again and we will never speak of this again. However, if you are caught I will recreate that time I tied you to a tree and pulled out four of your permanent teeth! Understood?”

Fester could only wordlessly nod, his eyes wide.

“Good! The internet is free!” Gomez said, calming down a bit. “So use it. Goodnight!” 

Gomez sheepishly pulled the now broken door shut behind him and made his way back down to his bedroom. He opened the door, finding Morticia exactly where he left her, looking at him expectantly. 

“Prepare to have your world rocked, cara mia!” he said, whipping off his tie. “Our peeping problems are no more!”

“Good,” Morticia said with a grin. “I want to not walk right for a month.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to the Addams discord for this fun idea! Kudos and comments are always appreciated! I'm on Tumblr @helloitshaley if anyone wants to stop by, I don't bite.


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